Mr. Jim Donovan, SJ

Jim Donovan, SJ is recently finished his first year of Theological Studies at the Jesuit School of Theology of Santa Clara University.

Despite the fact that I have changed communities and ministries every two years since I entered the Society of Jesus in 2004, I still don’t handle transitions too well. The most recent transition was the move from regency to theology studies at the Jesuit School of Theology of Santa Clara University at Berkeley. As with the other moves, it has had its challenges as well moments of grace.

I enjoyed my two-year regency assignment at Regis High School in Manhattan, teaching both chemistry and theology. I had taught high school science for a number of years before entering the Jesuits, and it was good to return to the classroom after a four-year hiatus. Although I did not face the typical challenges that confront most of guys during the first year of high school regency such as classroom management, lesson planning, mastering the content matter, etc., I did have to adapt to the way things were done at Regis. In addition, I found teaching theology to be a new and exciting experience, that required much preparation. Overall, many of the challenges were more internal in nature. The formula for sodium chloride was still NaCl and adolescent behavior was still the same, but now I was doing this as a Jesuit in a Jesuit school and I would have to figure how all of this fits into the greater scheme of things. In addition to day-to-day teaching, there were opportunities to preach at school masses, penance services, and retreats. I developed close relationships with my lay colleagues, who shared many of their own joys, sorrows and struggles with me. They were crucial figures in my formation process and I am forever grateful to them.  And of course there were my students, who reminded me each day why I had continued to be teacher and a Jesuit.

Regency was the first time, except for novitiate long experiment, in which I lived in an apostolic community opposed to a formation community.  I was fortunate to reside in a friendly and supportive community. As much I may have missed some of my peers, I enjoyed the opportunity to experience Jesuit life with those who could offer me their wisdom and experience. Having the province offices next door to the residence provided the opportunity to know those who worked there along with the multitude of visitors who passed through in a daily basis. Needless to say, living in Manhattan offered a variety of opportunities and outlets for the times when things at school and in community got overwhelming.

I was excited when I received word that I was missioned to theology studies in Berkeley.  I have to admit, the thought of attending classes, studying for exams and doing papers was not too enticing, but the idea of moving cross country, meeting new people and moving closer to ordination made up for that. Arriving in late August, everything seemed just right: beautiful weather and surroundings, friendly people and new things to explore.

Within time, the novelty began to wane.  Making sense of Rahner and sitting in three hour classes just did not do it for me. Living in a formation community again was another factor that posed a challenge. I also came to realize that I would never be a laid back Californian. I missed my students, colleagues, community and New York. Apostolic work had always provided good fertilizer for my prayer life and that part was missing.

The challenge was to discover where God was leading me in this transition to theology. In some respects, I think God has invited me to step back and ponder the deeper questions, whether personal or theological. The phrase, contemplatives in action, has often been used to characterize Jesuits, yet we can often emphasize the action at the expense of the contemplation in our daily lives. Perhaps I am being invited to nurture my contemplative side.

In addition to swimming a mile a day in the outdoor pools (one of the biggest consolations), I have had the time for frequent spiritual direction. I am fortunate to have a director who has helped me through this transition. I often tell my director that I have to look under rocks to find God in the daily grind of reading, writing and classes.

This last part of formation prior to ordination will pass quickly and as with the other phases of formation, just when I get into it and put the pieces together, it is time to move onward. In the meantime I will try to remember the advice of Teilhard de Chardin and “trust in the slow work of God.”